Enough

On this, the first day I saw the website that will change my life, I realized that in order to put yourself out before the people you must be both courageous and afraid. The two do not exist without each other. I sat, coached by my girlfriend, which is a no no in the coaching world, but she needed practice and I needed insight.

So much comes back to not enough. And it’s interesting how a pile of wood in the back driveway leads to the need to be special, and even more so leads to the need for you to find me special. After we hung up the phone, I cleared things from my house that I no longer need. A mentor of mine had sent me the office book that Marie Kondo wrote with another guy. I think she might like this desk, a rectangle, a bedside table converted, not much bigger than eleven by fourteen.

I write in the darkness. In the morning this window will showcase guava and starfruit and pitanga and a baby papaya I planted just to watch the progress from this window, a baby i planted so that Nasim might see this when she works here in September.

I have to give the credit of the day to Tourne who built the website and Nasim who helped me to see clearly, to revisit what I've known, that two opposing thoughts can be held simultaneously. That yes, I want the wood on the back driveway to be cleared, and yes I want the entrances to draw your eyes. I want to feel like I know something. Don’t we all?

At the same time I know that what I have to offer is a love inside of me that cannot be bound, a love that I’ve nurtured for 47 years. I have a space where unfolding can happen. I have a space that comes alive in the middle of the city. And there are other spaces. Spaces nearby, and it is my hope that these spaces spread. 

And these spaces will spread when with an examination of the way life works, the way what i see outside my window is no different than what i cannot see inside my head. There is no dualism. Nothing happens separate from anything else. To know one thought, we must know the opposing thought. So when the opposition strikes and you think you’re down for the count, try something new, something simple. You might even try what my girlfriend suggested for me.

I’m a to do list guy. Even in meditation. Likely in sleep. My brain creates more. More. More. She suggested I have an additional list. A done list. A you’re-awesome list. A look-what-I-did-today list. My second list I called I’m Enough. And today we began this website. And today I purged what no longer brought me joy.

And tomorrow, well, that’s for firsts and for more learning.